Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
