Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
