Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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