dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
