So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
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