I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
where are my eyebrows?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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