the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
