You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
