We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
