its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
