It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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