____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
