There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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