im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
