Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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