We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
birth control should be required to get into college
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
