He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
