So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
