This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
