He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
