Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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