do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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