My nipple is on Facebook.
Me too!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
