check it out our google latitudes are spooning
never play flip cup with pint glasses
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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