tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
