i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
