I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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