last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
