Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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