Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
