Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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