In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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