So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
