Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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