I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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