Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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