But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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