I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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