anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
