wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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