There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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