I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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