How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
