i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
