Where did you get a picture of my penis
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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