...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
