I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
