I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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