I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
