I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
