I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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