He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
