I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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